The Power of Saying No in Midlife
I used to think saying yes made me a good person.
A good daughter. A good mom. A good friend. A good employee.
Yes meant helpful. Yes meant easy to love. Yes meant needed.
But somewhere in the swirl of decades spent putting everyone else first, I started losing pieces of myself.
Why Saying No Was Hard
Let me tell you: I wasn’t born with boundaries.
I was raised on people-pleasing. I wore “selfless” like a badge of honor.
Saying yes felt safe, even when it left me depleted.
Especially in motherhood, I said yes to everything. School events, bake sales, late-night rides, emotional labor I didn’t even know I was carrying.
And I did it with love. Truly.
But I also did it without question.
Without asking if I had the bandwidth.
Without asking what it was costing me.
Midlife Changed That
Something about hitting 50 has rewired me.
It’s not that I don’t want to help, I do.
It’s not that I’ve stopped caring, I haven’t.
It’s that I’ve finally realized:
My energy is a resource.
My peace is precious.
My time is not infinite.
And I don't owe everyone my yes.
What I’ve Learned from Saying No
No is not rude. It’s honest.
No protects the things I care about. Like my mental health. My time with family. My own healing.
No creates room for the bigger yeses. The ones I actually want to give…with joy, not resentment.
No teaches others how to respect me. And it reminds me to respect myself.
Saying no used to make me feel guilty.
Now? It makes me feel grounded.
What No Looks Like for Me Now
I say no to overcommitting, even to “good” things.
I say no when my body says “I’m tired.”
I say no when something doesn’t align with who I am anymore.
I say no… without explaining myself. (This takes practice. And deep breaths. Still working on it.)
CTA: What Have You Said No to Lately?
Midlife has taught me the power of a soft, strong no.
What’s something you’ve recently said no to and how did it feel?
Let’s talk about it. This space is safe. This space is ours.
With love from Mabank,
Brandy
